Getting good dating advice is not easy. It isn't that there aren't sensitive people around who know enough about relationship to give you dating tips, but the problem is that it is so hard for most people to separate themselves from other people's relationship issues. My best friend, for example, is quite the student of human psychology. Nevertheless, whenever he gives me dating relationship advice, it is always pretty skewed. You see, as my best friend and the more analytical of the two of us, he is pretty protective of me. No matter what advice on dating I ask for, he will usually find a way of letting me know that he is unsure if the girl is good enough for me! He also doesn't really trust me to make good decisions, and his dating advice always assumes that I am about to choose to do the worst thing unless he intercedes.
You would think that you could get better dating advice from people you don't know that well, but this is not the case. Strangers aren't objective either, you see. Either they will jump to conclusions based on the little they know about you, or else they will give you the dating advice that they hope someone gives them. Often, you find yourself asking someone a relationship question only to see that they are talking about their own relationships and not yours. It takes someone truly balanced to give out good advice on dating not tainted by personal biases. There just simply aren't that many balanced people out there!
Ultimately, everything comes down to learning to look within yourself. It is one of the hardest things about becoming an adult, if you ask me. When you're growing up, the teen dating advice you get is bogus, and you know it is bogus. It is easy enough for most teenagers to do exactly the opposite of what they are told. Once you're an adult, however, you realize that doing the opposite of what people tell you is not usually a good idea either. Somehow, you have to find a way to make balanced decisions even when you aren't quite sure what you're getting into. This is the biggest challenge of most people's lives, and no matter how many dating chats they have, most never figure out what they really want. Once you do understand what you are looking for, you don't need dating advice anymore!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
How To Meet Women
I was new to town, and feeling lonely. It's not that I didn't know how to meet women, but that I was in a whole different scene. You see, I grew up in a pretty small, but liberal town. Meeting women was easy in Northern California. There were local parties all the time, everyone knew everyone, and enough new people moved in and out to keep things interesting and fresh.
When I moved to New York City, however, understanding how to meet women became much more difficult. I had never really figured out how to talk to attractive women at bars. I was only a little shy, so that was not the issue. It is just that I was used to a more intimate environment. I knew how to meet women at local parties where I already knew many of the people invited, but approaching a stranger was a much more daunting task.
I tried every trick that I could imagine. I tried pickup lines, I tried dating services, but none of them worked. I even had my personal ad posted on how to meet women website, but nothing seemed to come through for me. Oh sure, I had a date now and then, and made some good friends, but my romantic life was rather bleak. I knew that if I did not learn how to meet woman soon, I would never find happiness in the big city.
Finally, I tried one of the self-esteem coaching schemes. I know that it sounds pretty silly, but I was desperate. You might think that I was acting like a sucker, but the speaker really seemed to know how to meet women. And you know what? The techniques that he showed me worked! They seemed kind of cheesy, and I was surprised, but soon I was able to approach any one that I wanted to. I was getting dates left and right.
The problem was that I had learned nothing about how to meet women that appealed to me. You see, the tricks and tips that I've learned do not work with women who are my type. Sure, it is easy to learn how to meet women who are easily impressed by a clever line delivered with self-confidence. However, women who are deep, intelligent, and soulful are not impressed by cheap male bravado, no matter what the salesmen of self-confidence will tell you. Perhaps I will have to move again.
When I moved to New York City, however, understanding how to meet women became much more difficult. I had never really figured out how to talk to attractive women at bars. I was only a little shy, so that was not the issue. It is just that I was used to a more intimate environment. I knew how to meet women at local parties where I already knew many of the people invited, but approaching a stranger was a much more daunting task.
I tried every trick that I could imagine. I tried pickup lines, I tried dating services, but none of them worked. I even had my personal ad posted on how to meet women website, but nothing seemed to come through for me. Oh sure, I had a date now and then, and made some good friends, but my romantic life was rather bleak. I knew that if I did not learn how to meet woman soon, I would never find happiness in the big city.
Finally, I tried one of the self-esteem coaching schemes. I know that it sounds pretty silly, but I was desperate. You might think that I was acting like a sucker, but the speaker really seemed to know how to meet women. And you know what? The techniques that he showed me worked! They seemed kind of cheesy, and I was surprised, but soon I was able to approach any one that I wanted to. I was getting dates left and right.
The problem was that I had learned nothing about how to meet women that appealed to me. You see, the tricks and tips that I've learned do not work with women who are my type. Sure, it is easy to learn how to meet women who are easily impressed by a clever line delivered with self-confidence. However, women who are deep, intelligent, and soulful are not impressed by cheap male bravado, no matter what the salesmen of self-confidence will tell you. Perhaps I will have to move again.
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